Controlling Your Arousal

The Key to The Ultimate Sex

Sex is about arousal—mental and physical.

The Ultimate Sex is about maximizing the level and duration of your pleasure by taking control over your own level of arousal.

For most of us, sex has the kind of arousal curve shown below; we get more and more aroused until we reach an orgasm and then our level of arousal drops off.

An energetic couple can go through this cycle a few times during a sexual encounter.  But it is not always as fulfilling as it could be. 

Some people can have difficulty allowing their level of arousal to reach an orgasm.  For other people, the arousal can be so overwhelming that they reach orgasm very quickly.  At best, the most pleasurable part of the experience does not last very long, at worse it can be elusive.

So what do we do about this?  Most of us go to our imaginations.  We try to imagine sexy things to raise our arousal so we can orgasm.  We try to imagine un-sexy things to lower our arousal so we can delay our orgasm. 

But how fulfilling is this?  You are either having sex in your head, or you are hiding away from sex.  In both cases, your partner is a million miles away from you.  The tenderness is gone, the intimacy is gone.

The Ultimate Sex is about controlling your own level of arousal while maintaining an intimate connection with your partner in the Present Moment.

For a man, this means allowing his arousal to rise to the point of Orgasm but lowering it before he Ejaculates. Then, recovering, and raising it again and again, as often as desired.

For a woman, this means having complete control over her orgasms.  She can choose to have multiple light, energetic orgasms.  Or she can allow herself to come close to an orgasm but hold it back, embracing the waves of pleasure as the sensations build deeper and deeper until she experiences a long-lasting, full-body Superior Orgasm.

This kind of control involves both the mind and the body. The articles on this site are geared to inform and nourish both.

Increasing Arousal

Articles related to Increasing arousal discuss:

  • Connecting to your body
  • Opening your Body to your Partner and your Environment
  • Focusing on the present moment
  • Appreciating your partner and their loving energy and actions
  • Focusing on all of the sensations you are feeling in your body—big and small.

Decreasing Arousal

Articles related to Decreasing arousal discuss:

  • Allowing your partner to control the speed and depth of intercourse
  • Focusing intently on pleasing your partner and away from yourself
  • Focusing on and slowing your breath and heartbeat
  • Flexing your Kegel muscles (men)